My brain is all over the place today. Right now I can’t help wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. Life seems so, so, so good. We attended a wedding this weekend of some friends. The boy was the cutest ring bearer ever.
Weddings are always so full of hope and promise. This was the first in a while that was actually really fun; I think because we both knew the couple and there were so many people from church there. Weddings always make me think of ours 10.5 years ago and reflect on how different our life is then what we expected. B and I are in a good place. We don’t get along perfectly or always communicate with grace and understanding, but we are in a place where we really trust one another in a solid, unshakable way. We still credit Marriage Encounter for helping us create this solid foundation. Everything seems to be going smoothly and I am waiting, half holding my breath expecting something to go wrong.
Why is that? Why any time I experience happiness for an extended period of time I second guess it and worry what is next? I have been enjoying moments with the boy and tucking away little memories in my heart….like him giving me sleepy hugs in the morning and dancing with him at the wedding. I don’t know if I have been more aware or grateful for those moments that make me happy. Like last night opening the garage door into the back yard and the humid air smells so sweet, from one little tiny tree in the yard and I am filled with happiness at my life and so thankful for the laid back pace of this month. Though it hasn’t been laid back. We have hosted people for dinner, gone to weddings, had meetings and the usual hustle and bustle. B doesn’t have a class right now which helps and the youth group has not been meeting regularly which has given me more free time.
Part of me hopes the bad thing I worry about is my job ending. I have about a week left here. Somehow, I am not that worried. I am looking forward to time off with the boy this summer. Hopefully a grant will come through and I can come back.
I hope I can focus on the good, because right now life is good, so good. Of course there are things I want(babies) and things I hope happen (an awesome job). But for the moment I am so blessed and so content with our life.
Untangling Chaos 