At the beginning of this year I had the sense that something big was going to happen this year. I wasn’t sure if it would be good or bad, I mean dying could be something big, right? Anyway I just had a feeling something was going to happen. I had hopped it would be good and possibly a baby. Well it seems the big thing will soon be upon us.
I am loosing my job.
Science labs run on grants, when the grants run out before new grants are awarded people lose jobs. We have been in the “things might get hairy” situation a few times before, but never to the point where the boss tells me to worry and gives me a date.
After June 30th I am not sure WHAT I am going to do. Up until now I have not been worried. As the date approaches I can feel the panic creeping up. Financially we will find a way to manage at least as long as I can collect unemployment. There is always the hope that the lab will get funding in the future and I will be able to return, so this may be more like a lay-off. However all that is up to the mercy of the NIH.
For the first two months I was very optimistic that some awesome opportunity was just around the corner. Unfortunately if it is around the corner it has yet to show itself.
I can’t imagine leaving or what my last day will be like. This is the only REAL, adult job I have ever had. I started right out of college and I have been in the same lab ever since. This is virtually unheard of in a job like mine – staying put for nearly 11 years. I know a good thing when I have it. I am not micro managed, I have freedom to plan and design experiments, and I have flexibility to work when I want. As long as I put in my hours my boss doesn’t care when I work them. That type of flexibility is hard to find.
I am really trying to maintain my sense of calm about this. B has been great and reassuring. We both still feel God has something in store for us, I just wish we knew what it was. Reminds me of the C.S. Lewis quote
“We’re not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”