Afraid

The job interviews both went well.  I was surprised at the chattiness of the interviewers.  Job 1 there will be a bit of a learning curve but I could easily learn the work.  Job 2 I was surprised to get an interview since it is not something I know how to do at all.  I found that they were more interested in my experience and expect me to learn the work.   The learning curve would be STEEP.  Very steep.

Job 1 informed me they are planning to make me an offer as soon as the salary gets approved.  Job 2 wants to see my transcripts, which I am sure will exclude me from consideration because chemistry and I were not friends in college.

I am terrified of making the wrong choice.   Job 1 asked about my flexibility and while I am accustomed to working in a lab environment and I am aware that science does not happen on a 9-5 schedule I worry that the flexibility will be lacking. I am used to leaving at 4:30.  The evening rush getting home between 5 and 5:30 is bad enough.  I can’t imagine how it will be getting home at 6 every day.   We are barely getting everything done as is.

The boy needs routine.  If I worked part time for my old boss I would be able to be there for him after school.  Financially it doesn’t seem like the best choice, but there is something to be said for time.  It would only be for a year, but the hope is in the next year my boss will get a grant and have the money to hire me.   That is a lot of “what if’s” and I could end up in the exact same place next year…still looking for a job.

I am pretty sure I know what my decision is, but I feel stupid turning down a job.  It seems foolish.  I am afraid of making a mistake.  Afraid I have no idea what the best decision is.  Afraid I am choosing my will over God’s will.  When choosing between 2 goods is it still possible to not choose God?

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