I love spring.  There is so much hope and promise and energy in the air.  Tonight the air in the backyard smelled lovely.  Trees are blooming and the peonies finally opened and were beautiful, but the showy blooms are always so short lived.

The garden is taking shape.  Peas and broccoli are up as well as spinach.  The lettuce is taking over.    I planted tomatoes, peppers, basil, rosemary, beans and carrots.  I get a little overzealous.  We found blackberry and raspberry bushes on clearance and added beds for them as well.  I still need to plant more beans as well as squash (summer and winter), pumpkin, cucumbers and cantaloupe.    Looking at the list, that seems to be quite a bit of plants.  I never know what is going to work and what isn’t.  I don’t expect every plant to produce much, especially after last summer’s failures at gardening.  What I do enjoy is when it actually works….seeing seeds + sun + water = food for my family to eat.  We enjoyed our first salads from the garden this weekend.

I don’t know if it is spring and new life everywhere but I am really struggling this month.  Mother’s day was hard.  I just expected by this point, 5 years after we decided to try for another baby, we would have more.  Part of it is X is growing up, and it is breaking my heart, but it probably would anyway.  I can’t know how I would feel if he had a sibling to take half of my attention away.  Spending time around my niece this weekend was really, really hard.  She is nearly two!!!

The sad thing is nothing has changed.  I still can’t seem to loose any weight and I am stuck in the same place and I have been for the last 5 years.  With no better chance of having another baby.  I am seriously considering giving away all of the baby stuff as I come to terms with the fact we may only have one child after all.

My prayer life has been severely lacking lately.  I am just so ticked off that things aren’t working out the way I wanted or expected them to.  I know that is it  stupid to think like that, but I almost can’t help myself.


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