Birthday Tears

The day the boy was born I didn’t cry.  I had been an emotional wreck the entire pregnancy and this lack of tears surprised and worried me.  Honestly, after a short, intense labor I was so tired and happy to be done with it all crying was the last thing on my mind.  I had seen too many reality TV shows where the moms cry with joy when their child was born.  I thought that maybe something was wrong with me.  I was the woman who nearly had an emotional breakdown in the bottle aisle of Target trying to select “the right” bottle, so where was my emotion for my child.

Apparently I was saving those tears.  I didn’t cry on his birthday, but I have every Birthday since.  The first few years it was tears of thankfulness that I was his mom and the overwhelming responsibility of that.  The last 5 years it has been that the gap is getting bigger and he will never have a sibling to hang out with and be buddies with.  IF… he ever has a sibling at all.  A few years ago we were moving and we didn’t throw a party for his birthday because we were selling our house.  It was just a low key family celebration.   After that I stopped throwing big parties… partly so he isn’t spoiled but also because I am so sad on his birthday because of what we are all missing out on.


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